


Secundus

by TheWolves24



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, F/M, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oral Sex, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-02-16 11:35:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18690688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWolves24/pseuds/TheWolves24
Summary: Steve did go back in time to be with Peggy, that was his dream. That had been his dream since before he went down in the ice. But, some dreams are just that...dreams. And some dreams aren't achievable.Not when there's another dream that he's been focused on since Tony Stark opened those whiskey eyes after falling out of the wormhole.





	1. Chapter 1

Peggy was gorgeous. That was a fact, anyone with eyes could see how beautiful she was.

Steve was always in awe of her when he was smaller, just being in her proximity would make his heart hammer against his breastbone.

It was still very much like that.

And now, he was about to..be up close and personal with her.

“Steve?” Her voice called through his thoughts.

Shaking his head lightly, he looked at her, reaching out his hand, brushing a few strands of brown hair out of her eyes.

Smiling her lovely smile at him, she leaned into his chest, running her fingers lightly over his pectorals. They both had stripped down some time before now.

Steve looked down at her bare shoulders, running his lips over her smooth skin.

His heart was thundering, making his teeth almost rattle in his mouth.

God, he was so nervous.

Scrunching up his eyebrows, he pulled back and put his hand at the back of her curls, tugging her forward into a heated kiss.

Peggy elicited a little sigh, and Steve felt the softness of her hair, the color a deep brown.

Like.

No.

Slamming his eyes shut again, Steve ran his fingers down her shoulder, across her clavicle, his palm sliding near her breast.

That was.

That was good.

He wasn't going to think that he envisioned something a little…flatter the last time he thought of someone in a position like this.

This was Peggy though, his dream woman, someone he had been missing for years and years.

Suddenly, she pulled away from him, laying back, opening her arms for him to envelope her.

Steve smiled, leaning over her, sealing his mouth to hers again.

She was soft, her skin blemish free, sweet smelling.

He wasn’t used to it.

But, it was good.

It was fine.

Peggy giggled into the kiss, her hand tugging at his locks, trying to get him to pick up the tempo a little bit.

She wanted him fiercely.

Steve pulled off and smiled at her, tipping his head down to lay his mouth over a puckered nipple.

She groaned loudly, her long nails digging into his shoulders.

Steve looked up at her, seeing her face close off in pleasure.

He changed to the other breast, his eyes roaming over her chest, taking in her skin again.

No scar.

No…reactor.

Gasping lightly, he sat up, pulling off her completely.

Peggy stopped moaning, looking up at him, her eyebrows furrowed.

“What’s the matter darling? Are you alright?”

Steve felt his hand shake a little bit, his fingers going to run through his blonde tresses.

“I-I’m alright. Sorry, leg cramp. I’m sorry.” He said, lying through his teeth.

What else was he supposed to say?

Peggy smiled, opening her arms again.

This time, Steve focused solely on her, listening to her groans when his lips trailed over sensitive spots on her body. She was so vocal.

Like.

No.

Steve had gotten lower, hand running over her legs, that were a tad prickly, but nevertheless pretty bare.

Not hairy.

Shaking his head, he widened her thighs, his fingers going to her womanhood, that was wet and heated.

Different.

That was okay.

“Oh Steve, put your mouth on me. Please.” She groaned, arching her back.

He nodded, enclosing his mouth on her.

Different.

Not in a bad way, but different.

She was sweet.

Not salty.

And not.

Closing his eyes, he started to get into it, listening to her whimpering.

“ _Steve_.”

That wasn’t right.

Steve pulled up, looking towards the woman beneath him, who was biting her lip in pleasure.

He couldn’t think about that.

He had left that behind in 2023.

When.

No.

He had left it behind, damnit!

Lowering his mouth again, he continued with what he was doing.

Peggy was impatient though.

“Steve, please.” She murmured, pushing at his arms with her toes.

Smiling, he crawled up her body, stopping only when he was looking into her deep brown eyes.

Suddenly, his smile fell off his face and he was seeing something else.

Someone else.

 _Tony_.

His blue eyes widened, hysteria flowing up his throat.

This…oh God, this wasn’t right.

“Steve?” Peggy’s voice broke through his thinking, his thoughts a muddle.

Almost jumping off her, he stood on shaky feet, reaching for his underwear, putting them on.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he shoved his face in his hands.

This was so embarrassing.

How could…?

He had wanted this for so long.

Peggy was his dream girl.

Right?

Oh God.

 _Tony_. 


	2. Chapter 2

Peggy was confused as she watched Steve sit with his face in his hands.    
   
What had happened?   
   
"Steve. Darling? Is everything alright? It's not a leg cramp is it?" She asked him, starting to grow concerned about his reaction.    
   
The blonde man turned to look at her, eyes sad.   
   
"No. It's not. We need to talk Peggy."   
   
Oh, well, not exactly the words a woman enjoys hearing, but, honesty was good.    
   
   
Both of them were dressed, sitting out on the porch. Peggy herself was nursing a glass of whiskey, waiting on Steve to stop staring at the chipping wood that layered the deck.    
   
"Steve? Are you going to tell me what happened?" She asked him quietly, trying not to push.    
   
He nodded, standing up, crossing his arms over his chest.    
   
"You know I came from 2023. I've told you...a little about it."   
   
Peggy nodded.    
   
"I. Well, I." Steve clenched his jaw, damning that...man.    
   
Why was this happening? Why couldn't he just be _happy_.

Tony was _gone._

And that, that sent a wave of sickness through Steve's heart.    
   
The man he had never so much as touched timidly with his hand was...invading him.    
   
But, he was invading him then, wasn't he?   
   
He was always there. All the time. Every goddamn day. Like a festering sore.    
   
Steve envisioned those eyes. So much like the whiskey Peggy was consuming. So...full.    
   
"Steve?" Peggy's voice cut through again.    
   
Steve nodded, turning towards her.    
   
God, she was beautiful.    
   
He had to do this though, had to tell her.    
   
"I came from the future, from 2023. I've told you about Thanos. About...about what happened. I didn't tell you everything though. Or...about everyone. And I can't, but I-I-."   
   
"You loved someone, didn't you?" She questioned, her eyes never leaving his.    
   
Steve felt the same wave of sickness crash over him.    
   
"Yes." He whispered.    
   
Peggy smiled a little bit.    
   
"And...I take it, you don't want to talk about her."   
   
Steve felt a shoot of iciness fall over him.    
   
How would she react to being told it wasn't a _her_ but a _him_.

"I can give you a little bit of information, but I can't say their name."   
   
Peggy nodded, taking a sip of whiskey.    
   
"They were...God, larger than life. Loud. Obnoxious. Brilliant. So incredibly brave. Selfless. Stubborn. Vicious sometimes. They...had the biggest heart I've ever seen. Just...so giving." Steve felt the words just pour out of his mouth, Tony's smile and laugh coming into his memories.    
   
Peggy was listening.    
   
"They were, well, _smart_ is an understatement that he would definitely not appreciate. He would, he'd go into this long tangent that he was a _genius_ , that he wasn't a tinkerer, but a damn mechanic! He was...he made this crazy sink stopper one time, to keep coffee grounds from going down the sink. 'I'm not housing a damn biker gang.'"   
   
Steve then cut himself off, realizing he had let Peggy know the person that he had loved was _male._  

Turning ashy white, he looked at her, but she was still smiling, her eyes watery, a lone tear falling down.    
   
Steve felt bile rush up his throat.    
   
"Peggy." He said, voice raspy.    
   
She held her hand out, beckoning him to her.    
   
Closing his eyes, he grit his teeth, but took her hand in his.    
   
She pulled him in, resting her forehead against his hip.    
   
Silence.    
   
"You're thinking a mile a minute, Steve. I'm not sickened that it was a man you loved, if that's your fear."   
   
God, she was so insightful.    
   
"Well, that mindset isn't exactly a commodity here."   
   
Peggy snorted.    
   
"We both know how narrowminded these times are, Steven. But, we both know that I'm _not_."   
   
He nodded.    
   
Silence.    
   
"Did you two ever...uh, become physical? Or confess your feelings?" She asked, leaning back, taking a deep swig of her whiskey.    
   
Steve sat beside her on the rocking swing.    
   
"No. I-I, guess I was too busy being a jackass. He didn't...He had someone else anyway. I was always attracted to him. He just...wormed his way inside me. Like a worm in an apple."   
   
Peggy smiled.   
   
"You really loved him. I can tell by the way you talk about him. Like, he's an ethereal being."   
   
Steve blanched at that, it sounded like she didn't think he loved her as well.    
   
"Peggy. You know I love you to, don't you?"   
   
Silence.    
   
Sighing, she reached out and grasped his hand.    
   
"Steven, listen to me. I love you. And I know you love me. I've never doubted it. But..."   
   
Then, her tears fell.    
   
Steve hated seeing her cry. She was one of the strongest females he had ever met. And he loved that about her.    
   
He hated this.   
   
"Peggy." He started, but she just shook her head.    
   
"Steve. We had our dance. That's all I've ever wanted, if I only got that, I would be a happy woman. But, Steve, watching you talk about this man that you've gotten to know in your time, and how you light up just saying a small accomplishment like a kitchen stopper. It's made me realize what I've seen since you've gotten here."   
   
Steve waited, knowing it was coming.    
   
"You don't belong here, Steve."   
   
His heart broke then, tears burning his eyes.    
   
"Oh darling, come here." Peggy said to him, wrapping him up in her arms.   
   
Sobs.    
   
Steve laid his head on her collarbone, his shoulders shaking. He could feel her fingers tremble as she stroked his hair, making little shushing noises to sooth him.    
   
After a few minutes, Steve pulled away from her, wiping his eyes, embarrassed at his breakdown.    
   
"H-How did you know I've been struggling here?" He whispered, feeling his throat catch on another wave of tears threatening to come back up.   
   
"You're a man of few words, Steve Rogers, but, I can tell when you're not _here_. If that makes sense."   
   
It did. She always read him too well.    
   
She was amazing.    
   
"I want to stay here with you, Peggy."    
   
She smiled, wiping her own eyes.    
   
"But, you shouldn't. I won't be the one taking responsibility for your misery in ten years."   
   
Steve gasped a little bit.    
   
"No. It's not like that. I would never, could never, you could never make me miserable, Peggy. If you only knew how much I've missed you in the time I was in the future."   
   
Looking down, a weary smile tugged at her lips again.    
   
"I'm sure darling, but, those pains ease over time, and they fade. Steve, was it fading?"   
   
No.   
   
Yes.   
   
There were times where he wouldn't be so hung up on what he had lost. What he could have had.    
   
That was all before the Accords and Thanos.    
   
All before Tony went away.    
   
Before _Steve_ drove him away.    
   
"It never went away." He finally responded, sighing.   
   
"And that's alright, lamb. Loving someone never has to go away. You can always keep them with you. But, hearing a little bit about this person, I know that...you will miss him forever. And each day is going to be worse than the next. I-, oh Steve."   
   
He froze, watching her facial expression fall.    
   
"What is it?"   
   
Silence.    
   
"I don't know if I should bring it up. It wouldn't do to help resolve anything. Just...do nothing, really."   
   
His eyes pleaded with her to tell him though, and she crumbled, shoving her hair back.    
   
"Top off my drink. Then I'll tell you."   
   
Coming back with the glass, Steve watching her brown eyes fade into sadness, her red lips biting down on loosened skin.    
   
"It was-about a month after you arrived. You were, you had nightmares. I, I tried to just overlook them, you never seemed to remember them, and I didn't think it wise to push you to talk about them."   
   
Steve nodded.    
   
"But, one night, one in particular, you were mumbling someone's name, and it sounded like a familiar name, for the life of me, I've never met a Tony before, but, it seemed familiar for some odd reason." 

 _Tony._    
  
The dream was about Tony.    
   
Oh no.   
   
"Gracious, you were kicking all around the bed, you were _pouring_ tears, Steve. It was frightening. I wanted to nudge you, but, decided against that."   
   
Thank goodness.    
   
"Anyway, you kept on mumbling 'not to do it,' and 'please, please, please.'"   
   
Steve didn't remember the dream, but he knew what it was about. He was watching Tony adorn the gauntlet, and he was running towards him, but not getting anywhere.    
   
Peggy had stopped talking, watching him intently.    
   
"I'm taking it this Tony is the one, hmm?"   
   
Steve gave a slight nod.   
   
"Love, it'll be alright. You know I'll be okay. I would never forgive myself if I felt like I was keeping you from someone you're _meant_ to be with, Steve."   
   
He looked at her, growing desperate.   
   
"Peggy, please." He said to her, taking her hand, kissing her knuckles.   
   
"I love you, Steve Rogers. But, you and I are, well, maybe we were never meant to have a future. I truly believe in our lives we meet someone who is _meant_ to be with us. Someone who, in every universe, in every timeline, someone important to us. Someone we take with us everywhere."   
   
Steve felt the tears stream down his face, knowing this was her goodbye to him.    
   
"I'm sorry, I should have told you the minute I got here." He sobbed out, clutching at her, watching her own tears.    
   
"I'm glad you told me my love. All things happen when they're supposed to."   
   
Steve just shrugged helplessly, pulling her against his chest, letting her spill her precious tears into his shirt.    
   
   
   
God, was he really doing this again?   
   
Looking down, he saw the watch like item adorn his hand.    
   
He was doing this again. But this time, it would be his final destination.    
   
"Steve?"    
   
He turned towards Peggy Carter, drinking in her young form.    
   
God, he would miss her. He had missed her for so damn long.   
   
"Don't think like that." She said to him softly, smiling.    
   
Steve looked down and nodded.    
   
"You'll be alright my dear. I'll be alright. This life is about finding happiness."   
   
Suddenly, Steve's blood ran cold and he grasped the watch on his hand.    
   
"I can't do it, I can't go Peggy."   
   
The woman was on him then, grasping his cheeks, making him meet her eyes.    
   
"Steve."   
   
He shook his head, "No, I can't."   
   
"Why?"   
   
Tony had a family in 2023, Pepper and an adorable daughter.    
   
"He had a wife and daughter when he died, Peggy."   
   
Silence.    
   
"Steve. That was then, there's no saying that that will happen again where you're going."   
   
Steve just shook his head.    
   
"I can't take that option away from him. It's selfish. I can't do that to him."   
   
"Lord Rogers, stop being so bloody dramatic." Peggy snapped out, raising an eyebrow.    
   
He shut up, smirking at her.    
   
"Listen to me man, yes, he had a wife and child. But, that was that timeline Steve, not the one you're wanting to go to now. It hasn't happened yet, and chances are...if the threat you're talking about is gone, it probably won't."   
   
Steve blanched.    
   
"Don't look like a kicked puppy, Rogers." Peggy said, patting his cheek.   
   
   
It was time.    
   
Was he doing the right thing?   
   
"Yes. You are. Don't overthink it dear. You _are_ doing the right thing, Steve." Peggy said, smiling, her tears gone.    
   
Steve just stared at her, feeling his eyes fill with tears again.    
   
"Come here, you big lug." Peggy said to him, taking him in her arms, squeezing him tightly.    
   
Silence, and Steve cherished it.    
   
"Is your time set?"   
   
Steve nodded against her shoulder, feeling the tears overlap again.    
   
He suddenly felt her grip his hand, her long nail shakily pushing against his pulse point, finding the button.    
   
Pulling back from him, she smiled, leaning forward to seal her lips over his for a second.    
   
"I love you, Steve Rogers. Don't ever forget that. You hear me?"   
   
She pushed the button.    
   
Steve didn't have time to reach out before the helmet was flipping over his face, the vortex to take him away, sweeping below his feet.    
   
Then he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve wasn't placed gently into the area that the Quantum watch had sent him.    
   
He was flung, basically, right outside the big, ugly tower in New York City.    
   
Stark tower.    
   
After picking himself off the alleyway, he looked up at said building. The sight made his breath catch in his throat.    
   
Tony  had sold the tower after the falling out between him and Steve, and located to the compound, which hadn't been built yet.    
   
At-least not in this time.    
   
It had hurt to see the headlines on the news, had hurt even more to hear it talked about amongst the Avengers, especially Natasha, who seemed to glower at Steve because of it.    
   
Oh God.    
   
_Natasha._  

She was alive.   
   
And with the other Steve in Washington D.C., taking down Hydra and tracking down Bucky.    
   
Closing his eyes, Steve counted backwards from ten, trying to elicit a tad bit of calmness to his demeanor, he felt like he was starting to sag under the weight of the _knowledge_ of his future.   
   
If he didn't do something about it.    
   
Christ.    
   
_Peggy._  

He missed her already.    
   
She understood though. She had _always_ understood what he needed to do.    
   
Pushing the thought back, knowing it wouldn't do to dwell, her words almost exactly, he geared up for the immense confusion that awaited him in that tower.    
   
_Tony._  

Wait. Did Tony know he was in Washington D.C.?   
   
Looking around the corner, Steve brushed down his clothes. Damn, he would have to rebuild his wardrobe.    
   
Again.    
   
That could wait though.   
   
   
Honestly, getting into the tower wasn't difficult, he had the passcodes, having stayed at the tower a handful of times in the past.    
   
Tony had grown tired of having to go down and let the Avengers that stayed with him in all the time, breaking down and just giving them the codes.    
   
Well, that, and the desk associate always had a habit of divulging his computer games.    
   
   
The elevator ride was nerve inducing. Not only because he would be _seeing_ Tony after watching the man die right in front of him.    
   
Shudder.    
   
But also because there were tons of people in the elevators. And if one of them recognized him, it would be hard to explain why he was here in New York, and also in Washington D.C.   
   
So, putting his head down, he stood at parade rest, and tried not to make eye contact with anybody.    
   
The good news was, the Steve of 2014 looked very different to the way Steve looked now.    
   
Oh no.    
   
What if Tony wasn't here?   
   
The year before, Tony's home in Malibu had been attacked by a terrorist and blown into the ocean.    
   
That had been...a bad time for Fury.   
   
He hadn't told Steve what had transpired with Tony, constantly sending him off on missions that made little to no sense to Steve at the time.    
   
Then, he found out why.    
   
Hydra.   
   
And Fury never bat an eye.    
   
Not really.    
   
Level 28.   
   
The workshop was ground level, into the bowels of the building.    
   
When Steve had first visited Tony, he was slightly creeped out that the man in question spent most of his time, morning, noon _and_ night in the _basement_ , basically.    
   
It did explained the mania though.    
   
Tony would always leave the area with an almost crazed daze if he stayed under too long.    
   
Level 10 and he was now alone.    
   
His hands trembled, heart pounding.    
   
Then, level 1 popped up on the screen, and the doors were opening, as if in slow motion.   
   
Taking a deep breath in to steel his nerves, for what felt like the hundredth time today, Steve descended the metal box, looking through the class walls of the workshop.    
   
He was there.    
   
Oh God.    
   
He was actually there.    
   
Tony was swiping through a myriad of schematics, rubbing at his forehead, hissing vehemently up at the ceiling.   
   
Jarvis.   
   
Oh God, Jarvis was still around.    
   
Steve shakily walked over, his fingers nearly missed the numbers he was trying to type in, but finally, the doors opened with a hiss.    
   
Tony didn't look up.    
   
"Pepper. You just brought those papers down for me to look over. Patience is very much a virtue, you know?"   
   
Silence.    
   
"The silent treatment? Aren't we a little old for..Steve?"   
   
Steve himself was rooted to the spot, his hands beyond shaking, heart breaking yet full at the same time.    
   
"Aren't you supposed to be in Washington? I just saw you on the news? Did Fury invent some kind of digital travel? What's with the clothes? Thought Natasha got ahold of that for you?"   
   
Steve felt his eyes fill with tears, images of burnt flesh searing his mind, the picture of Tony looked mostly burnt alive invading his every orifice.    
   
"Cap, are you alri-?"   
   
Steve couldn't help it, really.    
   
He was upon the smaller man in a second, his arms weaving around him, hands trembling on the others shoulders, tears falling from his eyes as he shoved his nose into the crook of his neck.    
   
"Tony, oh God, Tony."    
   
Heavy sobs wracked his form, feeling the shorter man shift uncomfortably, a nervous hand patting the other on the shoulder.    
   
"Uh, there there, Capsicle?"   
   
The name only made him cry harder as he held him, not wanting to let go.    
   
Not now.    
   
Not ever.    
   
"Steve?" Tony whispered, shoving at him lightly.    
   
The blond gave way, pulling back, his red rimmed eyes taking in the other male, he looked so confused, and slightly upset.    
   
Silence.    
   
Steve wiped at his eyes, sniffling, huffing at the next wave of tears that blinded him.    
   
It was still painful, the vision of Tony dying not leaving his minds eye.    
   
Would it ever?   
   
It _haunted_ him.    
   
He wondered if it always would?   
   
"I think we need to talk, Cap." Tony interrupted his thought process.    
   
Steve nodded.    
   
   
   
The two of them sat in the living area, Steve never taking his eyes off the other.    
   
After months of not being able to see Tony again, after losing him for so damn long, Steve just couldn't look away.    
   
He was so tired of chasing away his feelings for this man. At first he had thought of his feelings as _wrong_. Being brought up in the 20's to the 40's hardwired that into his physce.    
   
Being...gay wasn't received well.    
   
Or, maybe it was just Tony himself.    
   
Steve had never found himself attracted to other males. I mean, he admired the aesthetic physique of a man, they were beautiful, just like women were.    
   
It had never gone further than that.    
   
Until Tony Stark. All finesse, beauty, and the most expressive brown eyes he had ever put his own blue ones on.    
   
It didn't hurt that he had a tongue like a viper, and a mind that was truly beautiful in its own right. Just...the love Tony spread around him with just his inventions.    
   
"You're staring." The voice cut through his thinking, _again._  

Steve shook his head, smiling lightly.    
   
"Are you going to tell me what's going on? I know you've been a little...lost in this time, Cap, but, tackling me and sobbing into my shoulder is not very _you_."   
   
Nodding slightly, Steve stood up and folded his arms, looking down at the brunette.    
   
He looked a lot younger here, without the streaks of silver in his hair, his Van Dyke goatee still dark without patches of silver as well.    
   
He had liked the silver.    
   
Tony was still so handsome though, that would be true when the man was grazing eighty.    
   
"Staring again."   
   
Blushing, Steve licked his lips.    
   
"First off, what I'm about to tell you, I'm not sure how you're going to _receive_ it. I don't think you're going to believe me."   
   
Tony only raised an eyebrow.    
   
"I uh-I'm from the future, Tony."   
   
Silence.    
   
Suddenly, Tony flicked his hand out, and Steve felt his stomach grow cold. He knew exactly what the other man was doing.    
   
The gauntlet to the suit was upon him in two seconds, a repulsor beam aimed at him.    
   
"Do it. I won't fight you. I will _never_ fight you again." Steve said, almost hysterically. Seeing that repulsor beam aimed his way, brought a slew of memories that he tried _desperately_ for _years_ to forget about.    
   
It never worked.    
   
Tony glared at him, his arm falling slightly.    
   
"You're lucky I'm _intrigued_ right now. Curiosity was always my biggest weakness after all. Can never leave well enough alone."   
   
Steve closed his eyes to that statement. He was definitely right about that.    
   
"Explain."   
   
And Steve started.    
   
"I come from 2023, before I came back here I was returning the Infinity stones. I, well, me and the Tony Stark from 2023 had traveled through time again to grab the stones we needed to defeat someone named Thanos."   
   
Tony nodded his head to continue.    
   
"We won." Steve murmured, his heart pinching in on itself.    
   
Tears.    
   
Sniffling, he wiped them away quickly.    
   
"I take it...something bad happened after you did that?" Tony questioned.    
   
Steve nodded, collapsing on the couch.    
   
"Well, tell me what happened."   
   
Silence.    
   
Clearing his throat, Steve pulled himself together as much as he could.    
   
"When Thanos came to earth in 2018, he had all the Infinity stones. The mind stone, the time stone, the soul stone, the power stone, the reality stone and the space stone. He ended up snapping half the universe out of existence. He left fifty percent of all living creatures behind."   
   
Tony shuddered, color draining from his face.   
   
"I take it, you didn't beat him the first time around?"   
   
Steve shook his head.    
   
_My fault._  

"Why?"   
   
Closing his eyes, Steve wanted to just tell him to _please_ not ask him that. But, Tony deserved answers.    
   
He deserved everything Steve could give him.    
   
"It was my fault." He murmured, the same overwhelming guilt hitting in directly in the heart.    
   
Tony didn't respond to that, but Steve could feel his eyes bore into the blondes skull.    
   
"And how, pray tell, was it your fault?"   
   
Finally, he drew his gaze up.    
   
"Please, Tony."   
   
The man in question looked slightly ill, his hands tapping impatient rhythms into the cushion beside him.    
   
"No. If you're truly from the future, and all this chaos really ensued, I want to know how it happened. And _why_."   
   
He deserved this. And he also deserved Tony's ire...again, once he found out the second go around.    
   
_"No trust. Liar."_

The words burned as fierce now as they did then.    
   
"I kept things from you, that were...important. And, it split the Avengers up. We weren't-weren't _together_ when Thanos came the first time. And that was my fault. I...I was so caught up in doing what I _thought_ was right, Tony."   
   
He chanced a glance up, and the fingers that were tapping against the pillow, were not gripping the pillow, the strain making the tendons turn white with the effort not to yell at Steve.    
   
It almost made the super soldier smile.    
   
Tony cleared his own throat, reaching across the way to grab the sunglasses that were never far from him.    
   
He always used those as a defense mechanism. He had to shield those beautiful eyes from expressing too much.    
   
"I'm sure you're going to tell me what exactly you hid." Tony bit out crisply.    
   
Steve nodded.    
   
"In 2014, right around this time, I'm chasing someone call the Winter soldier, which I'm sure you know about already."   
   
Tony nodded.    
   
"Well, he turns out to be my friend Bucky, who I thought had perished when he fell off the train before I went into the ice."   
   
Silence.    
   
"They had turned him into a hydra super soldier, a hit man essentially."   
   
Tony was staring at him, legs crossed, feet moving rapidly.    
   
He was nervous. Jittery.   
   
"I-I found out towards the end, at the _very_ end of the mission that Bucky had been hired around the nineties to kill two very important people, for the super serum that they had stowed away in their car while traveling."   
   
The next words couldn't come.    
   
"Say it." Tony snapped, dragging Steve out of the self loathing that was inching its way up his throat.    
   
"Howard and Maria Stark."   
   
Then, everything went deadly quiet.    
   
There was nothing.    
   
It felt like going into the ice again, and slipping back into the coma, where there was nothing but silence encompassing him.    
   
"Tony. Please."   
   
He wasn't above begging, not anymore. There wasn't much Steve Rogers wouldn't do for Tony Stark. Not now.    
   
The brunette only stared at him, there was no more tapping, no more moving, just...nothing.    
   
He couldn't have that. He couldn't _deal_ with it.    
   
Losing Tony again was unacceptable.    
   
"Please...say something, Tony."   
   
Silence.    
   
Finally, the other male huffed and stood up, clapping his hands together.    
   
"Well, good news is, I believe you."   
   
That was it?   
   
No, that couldn't be accurate. And if Steve had just met Tony Stark, he would be letting out a relieved breath, but he _knew_ him now.    
   
He wasn't okay. The shaking of his fingers, that were tucked in tightly under his armpits signaled that most of all.    
   
"Tony, I know that can't possibly be it. Please...yell. Scream at me. Please, please don't just shove it onto a back burner."   
   
The shorter male raised an eyebrow.    
   
"No. I really appreciate the truth, honestly. It's nice to know you're not a skrull walking around here. Your actions are really not surprising. Why would the great Steve Rogers _trust_ the arrogant, _take off that suit and what are you,_ narcissist, Tony Stark? That is what your good friend Natasha Romanoff said about me."   
   
It felt like a cold bucket of ice water had been dumped on him.    
   
He couldn't say anything, because Tony had every right to react this way.    
   
Tony shrugged, chuckling with absolutely no humor whatsoever.    
   
"It's honestly hilarious, really. The man who was so _obsessed_ with you, to the point where he completely ignored the son he procreated. You _hid_ his murder by standing up for your friend, who _killed_ him."   
   
Steve felt the tears gather in his eyes again.    
   
He couldn't take this, not after, not after _everything_.  

"Tony, please. I'm more sorry than you will _ever_ in your life realize." Steve pleaded to him, feeling two tears trail down his face.    
   
"That's adorable, Steve. I'm sure you felt none of that when you were helping hide this tidbit of information from me."   
   
Silence.    
   
"So, since we're on this landslide of good memories, how exactly did your good friend kill my parents?"   
   
Steve shook his head fiercely.    
   
"You don't want to hear that right now, Tony."   
   
The smirk on the other mans face fell, and he walked up to Steve, planting himself right in his space.    
   
"You will tell me. Or, I'll throw you out the fucking tower window."   
   
Steve looked at him in horror.    
   
He fully believed that Tony would do it too. And, even more, Steve would let him. He was not even close to joking when he said to Tony he would never fight him again.    
   
Silence.    
   
"Jarvis. If the good, _trusting_ , self righteous Captain here doesn't answer my question in the next five seconds, I want lock down protocol."   
   
"Sir. Might I advise against this?"   
   
"No. You may not." Tony snapped.   
   
Steve knew he'd have to tell him, if he wanted to live to see tomorrow.    
   
"He strangled your mother, and broke your fathers neck." Steve said, feeling a wave of sickness fall over him as he saw Tony's eyes widen.    
   
Hatred.    
   
That's all Steve saw.    
   
Silence.   
   
"Get out." Tony said to him, turning away.    
   
Steve reached out a hand to grab at his bicep.    
   
Bad idea.    
   
The beam felt just as bad then as it did when they were in Siberia. Folding over, Steve choked out a breath, feeling pain radiate through every pore in his body.    
   
"T-Tony."   
   
The brunette stood there shaking, hand still being held up, his eyes hard as they stared down at Steve.    
   
"It's not enough that you _lied_ to me in that time, but, your lie caused all that calamity. How did that feel, _Captain America?_ And I can guess vaguely as to what happened when I found out about this information that you were hiding. We fought, didn't we?"   
   
Steve bit his lip, climbing on unsteady feet.    
   
"Yes."   
   
"You said you'd never fight me again. I'm guessing the fight was bad. What happened then Captain? Tried to kill me, I take it?"   
   
Steve shook his head roughly.    
   
"No...it escalated...I couldn't-damnit Tony!" Steve finally yelled, the tears that he was trying to hold back, spewing over.    
   
He didn't _care_.

Silence.    
   
"Go back to your time, Steve. Maybe in this time you won't be as big of a coward as you were before. The hope for that isn't too high though, don't worry."   
   
Tony turned to walk away.   
   
"You died!" Steve yelled towards him, still clutching his aching stomach.    
   
That made him stop walking, his entire body freezing.    
   
Steve huffed, pulling in intakes of breath that were starting to spiral him into a panic attack.    
   
"When Thanos came back Tony, you adorned the gauntlet to snap him away, the power from the Infinity stones _killed_ you. That's, Christ, that's what I'm _doing_ here."   
   
Tony didn't turn to look at him.    
   
But, at this rate, Steve couldn't stop the feelings from exploding out of him if he wanted to.    
   
"Before that fight, we had made up with each other. I knew, I know, I will _always_ carry around the fact that I _betrayed_ you. But, if you only knew how it felt for me, for Pepper, Rhodey and Peter to see you dead on that battlefield."   
   
Taking a ragged breath in, he continued.    
   
"You can hate me. That's fine. Just...seeing you will fill the rest of my life with happiness that you can't even fathom. I hid enough from you before he came, and I'm tired of hiding. I've done it my whole life. I hid from the future, I hid from the past. I'm just... _tired_."   
   
Silence.    
   
"You can blast me out of this tower, you can kill me right here on the spot, but I'm not, on my own free will, going anywhere. I lost you once, and the one time is all I can take."   
   
Closing his eyes, Steve felt the rush of exhaustion creep over him. All these emotions were flowing out of him.    
   
It was Tony.    
   
He had always had this pull, and sometimes it wasn't exactly a good thing, when it came to Steve.    
   
He just pulled out so many emotions from the usually put together Steve Rogers. But, with Tony, he was wild, _free_.   
   
Finally, Tony turned around, his left hand, which was shaking, reaching up to take off his sunglasses.    
   
He looked wrecked, sadness and anger etched in the beautiful lines in his face.    
   
Steve recognized that look, the same expression on Tony's face when he had gotten back from space, skinny, emaciated, starving, and close to death.    
   
The pain in Steve's abdomen tripled, and he suddenly saw black spots swim in his vision.    
   
If this was death, he was glad that the last thing he was seeing was Tony.    
   
No matter what his facial expression was.    
   
"Steve!" Was the last thing he heard before everything faded away.   
   
   
   
  


	4. Chapter 4

_“It’s alright Tony, you can rest now.”_

Steve’s eyes flipped open, chest heaving, tears pouring over his cheeks.

Tony!

Oh God.

“Tony.” He croaked, the room around him not familiar, his heart hammering, the adrenaline not slowing down after his dream.

No. Not dream.

That had actually happened.

“Captain. Please breath deeply.”

Steve felt his hands stop shaking at the voice.

“Jarvis?”

“Indeed, sir.”

Steve smiled then, feeling the happiness of another deceased friend coming back into his life, then, felt himself break apart just as quickly.

“Oh Jesus.” He cried, shoving his face in his hands, trying to breathe through his intense sobbing.

 

It took a bit to pull himself together, pushing himself up fully, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

Where was he? And how long had he been here?

Tony was nowhere in sight. And it was to be expected after what had transpired between the two of them not long before.

Steve had to fix this.

He had come back to this time for Tony, and losing him a third time around, was not going to happen.

“Jarvis?” He called out, feeling his stomach flutter, the same happiness as before flowing through him.

“Captain.”

“Where is Tony?” He questioned.

“His workshop. Might I throw out there sir, he’s on full lockdown, and does not wish to be disturbed.”

Steve sighed, feeling the sting of that repulsor beam in his stomach full force now.

“Jarvis. I have to fix this. I need your help. Please?”

Silence.

“Sir is very upset Captain, very upset.”

Steve closed his eyes, clenching his jaw.

“I know I screwed up, I know that. And believe me, in my time, in 2023, I paid for it by losing Tony. Watching him di-.” He had to stop talking, shuddering at the image of Tony being half burnt.

Silence.

“I can’t lose him Jarvis, not this time.”

Silence.

“Very good, sir.” Jarvis mumbled, quietly.

 

Jarvis wasn’t lying. Steve stood outside the shop door, watching as Tony completely demolished a shield design that he had been working on for him.

It looked a lot like the reactor.

Steve closed his eyes to the blaring of the music, it wasn’t like the sound that usually filtered through, it was angry, loud, screaming, painful.

Exactly how Tony was feeling right now.

The sound of crashing caught Steve’s attention and he looked up, watching as Tony threw the shield across the room, fury written all over his features.

“Jarvis? Open the door please.” He mumbled, throat dry, a little fearful at the confrontation that he was about to face.

 

Tony was slumped over his station when he heard the door open.

Gritting his teeth, he spun around and saw the absolute last person he wanted to see.

“Get the fuck out of my shop. Better yet, get the fuck out of my tower.” He spat out at Steve.

The blonde shook his head, stopping a good ways away from the brunette.

“I know you hate me right now Tony, I don’t fault you for that. I understand it.”

Tony grinned with absolutely no humor whatsoever.

“Oh. Do you? Damn. I’m so glad you understand. Wow, I feel so much better.” Tony said, standing up and slapping his hands together.

Steve sighed, looking down.

“You know my father missed my _whole_ life, looking for you.”

Silence.

“My mother, on the other hand. She was always there. She attended all of my school functions, was there with Jarvis to pick me up from play dates. She took me out to spend time with me constantly, doing everything my father couldn’t do. Because, you know, he was out combing the Atlantic for Captain America. A _great honor_.”

Silence.

“Little did Howard Stark know, his great friend, the oh so wonderful! Captain America, would, in the future, hide the fact that his boyfriend killed him and his wife.”

Steve felt his stomach fall completely, nausea starting to run through his esophagus, leaving heat and shame behind.

“Well, there are many differences between me and dear old dad, thank God.” Tony said, sniggering, his feet darting back and forth between Steve and shelves on the other side of the shop.

“No, don’t need that one. Ah! Here it is.”

Steve looked up, and saw Tony with a blowtorch, smaller than the average one he uses on occasion.

“Now, I've compiled all the schematics that I was working on before, all of them for you precisely, into this neat little pile.”

Steve couldn’t look, nor could he move.

He knew what was happening, and exactly what Tony was doing.

“It’s such a shame, I put a lot of time and energy into these upgrades. Oh well.”

Then, the flame turned on, the blueprints of Steve’s new uniforms going up in flames. Fabrics for gloves going with them. His cowl ignited as well.

Steve knew he deserved this. But, the pain of watching Tony put up his walls in front of him, after watching him already die out of his life, was a lot to handle.

But, he would do it.

For Tony.

After a couple minutes of Tony watching gleefully as he burned Steve’s upgrades, he turned off the flame and threw the torch on the bench.

“Dum-E! Clean up these ashes!”

The bot in question halfheartedly rolled into sight, looking timidly at the mess Tony had made, his claw dangling low.

He wasn’t happy.

“I have a lot of other things to incinerate, but, they’ll have to wait for la-”

“Tony! I’m sorry!” Steve yelled, interrupting the next hateful thing that was going to spew out of the brunettes mouth.

Silence.

Dum-E stopped what he was doing, the broom pan he was holding stilling in the air as the bot took in the sight of the two men.

Tony didn’t even look at him, but Steve knew he heard him.

“I just want you to know that I’m not going away, that I’m going to make up for hurting you as badly as I have. There is no valid reason as to why I didn’t tell you, none that you would except anyway. It’s just- I didn’t want to lose you, and I knew if I told you-that that is exactly what would happen.”

Silence.

“And it did. But, the things I’ve seen, and the loss I've felt, I can’t let go. Not again. So, I’m not going away. I respect your anger, and I know you don’t want to look at me right now, or anytime soon.”

Tony still said nothing, eyes on the adjacent wall, his cheek ticking.

Silence.

Steve nodded though, turning on his heel, walking out of the shop again.

Tony’s voice trickled to him on the way out.

“Jarvis. Lockdown premises protocol for Steve Rogers, _Captain America_. I don’t want him in my tower. I don’t want him near my home ever again.”

 

Steve left.

He didn’t jump time again, but, he needed to get out of the tower, until he had his mindset straight on what his next move was.

Tony was angry, he needed time.

Steve would do whatever he needed to do.

Right now, the current Steve was hunting down agents of Hydra and looking for Bucky.

The plane fight would transpire soon, and Steve needed to be on those banks when it did.

He had a plan.

A dark seeded plan that might throw off the balance, but it was too late to go back now. Besides, what had Bruce said? What transpired in the past would not change the future, just branch into a different time line.

Steve had already done so many crazy things, what was one more?

At the moment though, he needed a place to stay. He had access to money, he had kept an account open, full of money around this time, but the current Steve never really touched it. Occasionally, he’d dig into the funds for clothes, food, shoes, art supplies, etc. But, not much else.

Besides, the plan that Steve had would relinquish the current Steve from ever needing to use the money again.

 

He wanted some place simple, some place near the tower, where he could keep tabs on the comings and goings of the area. And of the people.

In a years time, Ultron would happen. But, he was hoping to maybe remedy that, if Tony was talking to him again. Thanos himself was no longer a threat, since future and past Thanos was defeated. Right now, the only looming threat was Ultron.

Would the Avengers rally together?

He wasn’t sure.

 

It actually wasn’t hard, finding a place to stay. He got an apartment that same day, two blocks away from the tower, his window facing it.

It wasn’t Brooklyn, and it felt nothing like home, but it would suffice.

And, no-one recognized him. Granted, Steve always wore a disguise when he went out in public, not a lot of people ever noticed or recognized him thankfully, he had always hated the attention. He didn’t need screaming fangirls bombarding him with posters of his face, it always made him feel ridiculous.

Speaking of, could he be Captain America again? Doing what his plan entailed would mean he’d have to. He would have to retake the mantle, pick back up that shield, could he?

Standing in the middle of his barren living room, he faced the tower, watching as the windows in the very top opened up and something flew out of it.

Tony!

Moving closer, he watched as the suit shot across the sky and disappeared into the clouds.

He had to get back.

Whatever it took.


End file.
